i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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