i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
