sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
