Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my poor anus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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