There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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