Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
