Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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