The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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