hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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