Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
