if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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