dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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