I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
