Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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