went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
