all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
