Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
