Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
