Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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