I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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