sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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