just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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