covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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