I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
