We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
