somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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