I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize