also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I won the penis lottery.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
