do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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