We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
