I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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