You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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