I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
