if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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