i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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