We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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