im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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