So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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