Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
