lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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