I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
