I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
