We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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