so that wasnt chicken after all
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
