We got so high we made milksteak
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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