she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
