Your dad touched me again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
