Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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