And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We smell like vodka and hangover
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