im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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