I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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