I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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