I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
