Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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