I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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