He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
