Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
