hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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