this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
